so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
