Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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