Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
