put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
