Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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