Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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