went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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