Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
