dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
