If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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