I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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