I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
