The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
