Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize