dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
