Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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