We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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