I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
