Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
