babies were throwing up all over the place
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
