I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
