Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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