I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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