I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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