I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
