Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize