I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
