Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Still dying that you shit outside
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
