tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lost the right to judge tonight
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
