We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
