k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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