He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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