I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
accomplished twins. life is a go
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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