K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
