I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
