my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
