you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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