ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
