we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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