I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
