You just made me feel so damn special
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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