no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
