I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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