ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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