haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
