Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
