i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
