Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
