I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
