It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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