I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
BRING THE BAGELS
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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