last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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