He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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