Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize