Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
