She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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