i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
