its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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