I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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