i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
