I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
