Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
