I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found the puke drawer
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize