and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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