How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
50% drunk capacity currently
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
