Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
