tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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