That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize