i just sent this text using only my big toe
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
