Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
