dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
